Cold

[Josiah]

Hi Josiah

Welcome. It's nice you have taken up poetry.
I think you will become very good at it.
Here's my critique:


Cold                                                                                          Not understanding the choice of title, is it really about cold or something else?

It was cold,
And I thought:
“A wrinkly, haunted man lives in that
House. But not
A feather that floated to rest on the fold.                                  A fold of what?
Then trampled, crushed and left it sat                                       by the haunted man?
Alone, despised. A gust of wind                                                 
Wears through its veins," but in that house—                           was the feather warm before it settled into that house?
It was cold.                                                                               

Still I shiver.                                                                             
The iron fence                                                                         best
Still groans in weathered rust and gives                                    three
A lingered stench.                                                                    lines
The solemn, cold breezes of autumn all whisper:
“A wrinkly haunted menace lives                                              does autumn own the house?
In that house. Raindrops pecker                                              pecker reminds me of the movements of a bird
Down through my roof, but in that house—                            autumn's roof?
Still I shiver.                                                                              where's the end of the whisper?



You certainly have captured the poetic feel of poetry.
I was a bit jumbled and confused by who said what
and why, though. I liked the description of the iron
fence, and could picture it in my mind. I could see
those three wonderful lines the start of a new poem for
you to write. I hope to read more of your poetry soon.
Have a very wonderful day!


janine

Thanks for the crit. I think I was really way too vague in this poem. So the poem is basically from the view of a man living in this house. He's pondering the way other people treat him. The word 'cold' literally means cold temperature, but it is symbolic for the cold way people treat the creepy man  in the old house. The feather symbolizes the man living in the house, who was just a feather, but then fell to a low point, who he was trampled. The part about the rusty fence, is the man contemplating that he doesn't like the place he's in. The autumn breezes symbolize the people who are treating him poorly because he's a creepy man in a creepy house. Autumn, to me, symbolizes something between hot and cold, between summer and winter. They look friendly and warm, but in reality they are cold. The quotation mark for the whisper should have ended at ...Lives in that house", but I forgot to put it.