05-06-2017, 07:47 AM
Hi Josiah
Welcome. It's nice you have taken up poetry.
I think you will become very good at it.
Here's my critique:
Cold Not understanding the choice of title, is it really about cold or something else?
It was cold,
And I thought:
“A wrinkly, haunted man lives in that
House. But not
A feather that floated to rest on the fold. A fold of what?
Then trampled, crushed and left it sat by the haunted man?
Alone, despised. A gust of wind
Wears through its veins," but in that house— was the feather warm before it settled into that house?
It was cold.
Still I shiver.
The iron fence best
Still groans in weathered rust and gives three
A lingered stench. lines
The solemn, cold breezes of autumn all whisper:
“A wrinkly haunted menace lives does autumn own the house?
In that house. Raindrops pecker pecker reminds me of the movements of a bird
Down through my roof, but in that house— autumn's roof?
Still I shiver. where's the end of the whisper?
You certainly have captured the poetic feel of poetry.
I was a bit jumbled and confused by who said what
and why, though. I liked the description of the iron
fence, and could picture it in my mind. I could see
those three wonderful lines the start of a new poem for
you to write. I hope to read more of your poetry soon.
Have a very wonderful day!
janine
Welcome. It's nice you have taken up poetry.
I think you will become very good at it.
Here's my critique:
Cold Not understanding the choice of title, is it really about cold or something else?
It was cold,
And I thought:
“A wrinkly, haunted man lives in that
House. But not
A feather that floated to rest on the fold. A fold of what?
Then trampled, crushed and left it sat by the haunted man?
Alone, despised. A gust of wind
Wears through its veins," but in that house— was the feather warm before it settled into that house?
It was cold.
Still I shiver.
The iron fence best
Still groans in weathered rust and gives three
A lingered stench. lines
The solemn, cold breezes of autumn all whisper:
“A wrinkly haunted menace lives does autumn own the house?
In that house. Raindrops pecker pecker reminds me of the movements of a bird
Down through my roof, but in that house— autumn's roof?
Still I shiver. where's the end of the whisper?
You certainly have captured the poetic feel of poetry.
I was a bit jumbled and confused by who said what
and why, though. I liked the description of the iron
fence, and could picture it in my mind. I could see
those three wonderful lines the start of a new poem for
you to write. I hope to read more of your poetry soon.
Have a very wonderful day!
janine
there's always a better reason to love