04-24-2017, 07:51 AM
Hey ellajam,
Thanks for the feedback, especially the notes on the comma usage. It's been a while since I wrote in formal verse, so I'm a bit rusty with some of that stuff. This poem is actually an edit of a poem I wrote back 2004, and that was where the title came from. I think the title worked better before some of my edits because it originally focused more on the war metaphor. I'll definitely change it now that you confirmed that the title isn't the strongest. Editing this poem reinforced why I got away from formal verse and rhyming, but once I got going on it, I just couldn't stop until I had a mostly functional poem. By the way, I was actually really down on this poem, so I greatly appreciate the kind words.
Thanks again,
Richard
Thanks for the feedback, especially the notes on the comma usage. It's been a while since I wrote in formal verse, so I'm a bit rusty with some of that stuff. This poem is actually an edit of a poem I wrote back 2004, and that was where the title came from. I think the title worked better before some of my edits because it originally focused more on the war metaphor. I'll definitely change it now that you confirmed that the title isn't the strongest. Editing this poem reinforced why I got away from formal verse and rhyming, but once I got going on it, I just couldn't stop until I had a mostly functional poem. By the way, I was actually really down on this poem, so I greatly appreciate the kind words.
Thanks again,
Richard