First Edit: Why We Fight/Aging

[ellajam]

Hi, Richard, a big swallow and a worthy topic. I had only one bump in the meter, as for the rhymes while they work I think making them a bit more comlex might suit the complex subject a bit more.

For me the poem did not answer the question the title asks. Maybe I am missing something but at the end I still don't know why we fight and it doesn't seem the N knows either. If you agree you might consider a different title, I don't think the poem needs to answer the question to work. Most of my notes involve different punctuation, just ideas for you to consider.

Why We Fight

The easy way is dying first before Maybe a comma after first, it's a big thought worthy of atleast a pause.
you tell your only love to come to bed
because to see her fade was worse than war, For me it's a bit awkward to apply "because" to L1 instead of L2. Possibly and watch her fade, then rework the rest of the line to add a foot. Possibly a semicolon after war.
the final battle words you left unsaid.
Strong stanza.

There isn't glory in becoming old comma
instead there's pity from the callow ones Meter forces an accent on "from", you might be able to do better there.
who smirk at every story you have told,
too young to see you've handed them your guns. Interesting line.

You want to warn about the wasted days comma
of how they'll never love a better friend I like his line.
the minutes marching pass so many ways Not a fan of this line, "so many ways" means nothing to me.
and dying after her the cruelest end.

But all you'll do is sneer and ponder why
you fought so hard to only watch her die.

I enjoyed the read, thanks for posting.