Mania

[Franklin'sMan]

Hi. Generally, you ought to squeeze your lines until words begin to pop out. Pop, pop, pop -- unnecessary, loosely coupled words should be flying. I'd only add words if there's a need to hit a meter, but even then the words added should be such that, once added, you can't so easily pop them out again  

Breakfast Rush Mania  A title can be intergral to the poem's meaning, tipping the reader off to what's going on - or the starting point of the poem. This might allow the rest of the poem to leave things unsaid, allowing the reader to infer them. I.e. I can remove 'a waitress'. You might prefer an even more precise title, or more general.

I wake, a waitress
Balancing five or six plates,
Which I refuse to set down,
And carry table to table instead,
Thrilled to be put to work.

All aflutter for weeks now
I can't quite say
That this feels good(.) anymore
Just that slowing down 
wouldn't;
(I'd) Would be a puddle of milk
Spilled(,) and seeping,
Threatening to down drown I like drown better - milk being made like water. Also, it'd take an ass full of milk to drown a tower, which I like.
My tower of tenuous tomorrows.

I no longer feel my center('s unfelt.)
But I see myself the center
Of a web of glass entanglements
Sustained by never glancing away, I like this last stanza. Good image, except how does not glancing away sustain this. I suspect I know, but am unsure.
Shattered by a deep breath

One of the admins has a signature saying that the secret to poetry is cruelty. That's true on many levels. For one, you ought to be cruel to the very words you lay down on paper.

Lastly, don't take these comments to mean I disliked your work. If I did dislike it, I wouldn't have bothered to comment at all!