04-13-2017, 09:36 PM
Hi hesawacko,
I really like your poem, even though I'm not a father (quite the opposite really!) I do a lot of babysitting and with my little brother the content is relatable!
I love your second line that admits the father doesn't quite know what the threat is but knows it has to be good to work.
[quote='hesawacko' pid='222657' dateline='1484000580']
Here's another fatherhood humor poem that could probably use a little help.
THREATS
Staring at their faces
I know it better be good
They don't always work
Even though they should Sorry to be a picky, but you missed a full stop XD
Something to scare
Something to astound
Something that shows I'm not messing around The repetition here is great, and the poem has a nice flow.
Timeout is soft
Naptime is weak
It's gotta be something that doesn't sound meek Punctuation I think is necessary here again...
I want them to know
I'm nobody's stooge
The threat should be epic, unforgettable, huge
The Earth will tremble
The mountains will rock Is rock the right adjective to use? Perhaps using 'shake' would be better? Tremble and shake are more synonymous as well.
Is a year without food, too much
to pick up a sock? The rhetorical question here is amusing and is a fitting ending to a humorous poem. It really is a funny, relatable poem.
Hopefully I was useful to some degree!
Thanks
Erica.
I really like your poem, even though I'm not a father (quite the opposite really!) I do a lot of babysitting and with my little brother the content is relatable!
I love your second line that admits the father doesn't quite know what the threat is but knows it has to be good to work.
[quote='hesawacko' pid='222657' dateline='1484000580']
Here's another fatherhood humor poem that could probably use a little help.
THREATS
Staring at their faces
I know it better be good
They don't always work
Even though they should Sorry to be a picky, but you missed a full stop XD
Something to scare
Something to astound
Something that shows I'm not messing around The repetition here is great, and the poem has a nice flow.
Timeout is soft
Naptime is weak
It's gotta be something that doesn't sound meek Punctuation I think is necessary here again...
I want them to know
I'm nobody's stooge
The threat should be epic, unforgettable, huge
The Earth will tremble
The mountains will rock Is rock the right adjective to use? Perhaps using 'shake' would be better? Tremble and shake are more synonymous as well.
Is a year without food, too much
to pick up a sock? The rhetorical question here is amusing and is a fitting ending to a humorous poem. It really is a funny, relatable poem.
Hopefully I was useful to some degree!
Thanks
Erica.