04-11-2017, 03:10 AM
Hi Paul Welsh,
This is an interesting poem and I am glad you gave it your intentions. You explained it as I would see a movie, or dream. It is an abstract that indeed can slip thoughts and interpretations into certain minds and that alone made it very interesting. It makes me want to go on a search, and then strangely,visions of Joan of Arc appear, I cannot explain it. She is a person in History that I would like to be given the gift to write a poem about some day. I was attracted to the title because seagulls have been roosting in a farmer's field across from me. We haven't a sea nearby and the lake that is near us is not so close that seagulls should be here in this field. I suppose they are scavenging for seed or whatever they do for food. All in all the poem is rather sad and a reflection of human darkness, perhaps even metaphor, touching on spiritual battles all around us we cannot understand, and thankfully, not see in person. Oh, I also understand about wanting to write for 'me'. It can be therapeutic and calming. I hope your day gets filled with more light and hope, and may sunshine brighten where you are and lift your spirits high! Best wishes.
Nibbed, this is the last time you'll be asked to refrain from posting in the workshops if you are unable to focus on the poem and offer helpful critique. /ella
Sorry, Ella.
Here is an edit on my poor critique,
Nibbed
The sailing of a bare Seagull Sea Perhaps interject Edinburgh or the name of a place somewhere to set the scene?
on field and path, on road and roof
heard radio sound effects man giving birds two deaths let the reader know if this is good or bad
all my eye-catching gone Go-Birds
sick smell the sick
investigate the Burke and Hare rooms
guilt formation in the new times why is there guilt? I know it's abstract...
opened cognac in olden times before all this Heaven
Abstracts are difficult to critique. Perhaps that is why I offered only interpretive comments.
Sorry, sometimes I get off track, forgetful.
This is an interesting poem and I am glad you gave it your intentions. You explained it as I would see a movie, or dream. It is an abstract that indeed can slip thoughts and interpretations into certain minds and that alone made it very interesting. It makes me want to go on a search, and then strangely,visions of Joan of Arc appear, I cannot explain it. She is a person in History that I would like to be given the gift to write a poem about some day. I was attracted to the title because seagulls have been roosting in a farmer's field across from me. We haven't a sea nearby and the lake that is near us is not so close that seagulls should be here in this field. I suppose they are scavenging for seed or whatever they do for food. All in all the poem is rather sad and a reflection of human darkness, perhaps even metaphor, touching on spiritual battles all around us we cannot understand, and thankfully, not see in person. Oh, I also understand about wanting to write for 'me'. It can be therapeutic and calming. I hope your day gets filled with more light and hope, and may sunshine brighten where you are and lift your spirits high! Best wishes.
Nibbed, this is the last time you'll be asked to refrain from posting in the workshops if you are unable to focus on the poem and offer helpful critique. /ella
Sorry, Ella.
Here is an edit on my poor critique,
Nibbed
The sailing of a bare Seagull Sea Perhaps interject Edinburgh or the name of a place somewhere to set the scene?
on field and path, on road and roof
heard radio sound effects man giving birds two deaths let the reader know if this is good or bad
all my eye-catching gone Go-Birds
sick smell the sick
investigate the Burke and Hare rooms
guilt formation in the new times why is there guilt? I know it's abstract...
opened cognac in olden times before all this Heaven
Abstracts are difficult to critique. Perhaps that is why I offered only interpretive comments.
Sorry, sometimes I get off track, forgetful.
there's always a better reason to love