NaPM April 06, 2017

[rayheinrich]

                           


                                                    < Dearest Extortionist >

                                I am beginning to consider your communiqués  
                                to be some form of harassment.
                                Let me tell you for the third time:
                                I do not possess the funds required to honor your request.
                                And even if I did, you would receive none from me,
                                because I harbor no desire to have the thing back.

                                It has been nothing but a  disaster.
                                And, unchristian though it may seem,
                                I'm hoping a similar set of miseries have befallen you.

                                As you may have noticed by now,
                                it exhibits no end of bad habits.
                                Surly a giraffe possesses the intelligence
                                to be housebroken.
                                I can only attribute its refusal
                                to be some form of ill-tempered disobedience.
                                No single piece of furniture in my apartment
                                has been left unsoiled.
                                The only item it has not ruined
                                (its perversity knows no bounds)
                                is the toilet.

                                So let me tell you for the last time:
                                You shall receive no monies from me;
                                I have no desire to have it returned.
                                The same goes for the zebra.

                                Most sincerely,
                                Your Victim