haiku practice

[Lizzie]

I'm not an expert by any means, but I'll give you my opinion.

I'm not looking for extensive critiques, but I think I missed a point to haiku. With these few, I'm focused on a linear time frame. Starting from one place and moving through the images to a grander scheme... Have I gotten that right?

Stupid wind
Slicing my face with snow flakes--
Go away

-- for this one, I think that 'stupid' is actually not specific enough. Especially with how we use it in conversation, it basically means, 'this thing is annoying me or I wish it would stop or go away.' It's become too vague through our sloppy, everyday usage. If you were using it as 'the wind has below average intelligence', that would make even less sense. So, best to choose another word. I have no idea whether a command like the last line is legit in haiku -- what I understand is that you're supposed to stick as closely as possible to simple observation, avoiding drawing conclusions or making judgments. Aside from that, I don't think that 'away' is particularly exciting. Maybe choose a specific location you want to send the snow to.


Mountainsides
Sweep crackled branches throughout
The city


Raindrops
Paint my feet with mud-- I think this is the best one. I'd certainly call it haiku.
Little buds


The sun
Unforgiving and restless--
Apocalypse



Am I getting the general point?