03-31-2017, 05:19 AM
Hello Elizazile.
I found some of the language use in this poem interesting enough to make me stop and try to figure out your main idea (of course, my interpretation of it). I particularly liked:
This is the investment I am told I must make
For less of the same
(Whatever that may mean)
And for brighter somedays.
These lines seem like some sort of commentary on modern society, and I wonder if this poem would benefit from exploring ideas like this more.
My biggest issue with your poem is that I am still uncertain if it's really about a house. Could the skylight be symbolic for something to do with religious beliefs? I sort of get that meaning because you mention faith in your poem as well. If that is the case, then what does all the weather imagery mean in terms of that symbol?
My point is that the overall meaning of your poem seems a bit unclear. Sometimes less is more, and may be you should consider cleaning up some of the imagery and wording, so the poem's message is clearer. For example, why do you describe the winds as “blustering?” Overall, I'd look forward to seeing where you take this poem from here.
Keep writing,
Richard
I found some of the language use in this poem interesting enough to make me stop and try to figure out your main idea (of course, my interpretation of it). I particularly liked:
This is the investment I am told I must make
For less of the same
(Whatever that may mean)
And for brighter somedays.
These lines seem like some sort of commentary on modern society, and I wonder if this poem would benefit from exploring ideas like this more.
My biggest issue with your poem is that I am still uncertain if it's really about a house. Could the skylight be symbolic for something to do with religious beliefs? I sort of get that meaning because you mention faith in your poem as well. If that is the case, then what does all the weather imagery mean in terms of that symbol?
My point is that the overall meaning of your poem seems a bit unclear. Sometimes less is more, and may be you should consider cleaning up some of the imagery and wording, so the poem's message is clearer. For example, why do you describe the winds as “blustering?” Overall, I'd look forward to seeing where you take this poem from here.
Keep writing,
Richard