03-30-2017, 07:08 AM
(03-29-2017, 06:04 AM)Todd Wrote: The moon oscillates between hunger -- I like this opening. The moon conjures up a werewolf image, so I associate wolf-eats-Grandma with wolf-and-Grandma-are-one-in-lycanthropic-harmony
and gluttony, and Grandmother’s stomach
is distended beneath the blankets. -- she doesn't need any more cookies, little girl. And she really doesn't need to eat the little girl either, but she's a hairy glutton.
A bonnet flops over one ear
and her eyes are empty
dinner plates. -- excellent play on not only the "what big eyes..." but also the cliche of "eyes like saucers".
She has exchanged the dry-leaf kisses
of old age for a wet smile
that would slice the skin
from little girls,
who leave the forest path. -- this is a lovely allegorical caution against departure from safety, even if it's to a pre-planned destination
Your feet take root -- this is the line that bothers me. On the one hand, it's a nice call-back to the forest/trees motif, but on the other -- it's such a cliche
and you can’t help
but comment on Grandmother’s
open mouth. -- well, who could? In for a penny...
It could be worse