Night Stories (Revision)

[burrealist]

I want to take a challenge. You are a very gifted poet- so I am going to critique what I consider to be work more sophisticated than mine.

The moon oscillates between hunger The moon obviously means something. The dinner plates and her smile may be shaped like the moon. After I read the whole thing, it will rise to its proper place. 
and gluttony, and Grandmother’s stomach This line-break is great. I like line-breaks that give new information that stand out alone, and also pull the entire sentence together.
is distended beneath the blankets. So grandma is fat. Maybe the moon is a simple reference to time. It takes time to gain weight, and you purposefully compared a difference between "hunger" and "gluttony". An oscillating moon can wax, can wane, and can resemble an ever-changing weight.
A bonnet flops over one ear 
and her eyes are empty So she has passed. Again, the moon starts to make more sense.
dinner plates. What I don't understand is, even though "dinner plates" is appropriate, why they're given a line of their own. Just a simple resolution, or more?
She has exchanged the dry-leaf kisses "Dry-leaf" could become a specific herb, if you want it to.
of old age for a wet smile I'm sure there are plenty of words you can use that are better than "wet". Even though the contrast between wet and dry is evident, "hungry smile" or "starving smile" might add some new significance.
that would slice the skin Slice is piercing. I like it. Did you go through variations of this part? 
from little girls, This could become a part of the last line, written as: "that would skin little girls". It's a disturbing thought.
who leave the forest path. Nice allusion.
Your feet take root In what? What is "root" for? Is this following up in reference to childhood?
and you can’t help
but comment on Grandmother’s 
open mouth.

I actually treated this as an intensive critique, and I did not realize that until just now. I'll stop here before I carry on.