03-29-2017, 04:38 AM
Hello hesawacko,
I am assuming this poem is about your young son/daughter. Personally, I have always found it incredibly difficult to write about my son without it sounding completely sappy, so I applaud your effort here. I find that the bond between a parent and child is just so strong that it's hard to express it without being consumed by it.
I think in your poem you have a workable image (loving hands). However, I think you get bogged down by your feelings as a parent, and this leaves the poem feeling a bit underwhelming. Your poem is titled, “Loving Hands,” but your word choice isn't consistent with the title. For example, you refer to the hands as “clingy.” I understand what you mean there as a parent myself, yet clingy isn't a great word to use when writing about the emotion of love.
Lastly, I thoroughly liked the image of a runny nose as an expression for parental love. I even think it would be worthwhile trying to construct an entire poem just around the idea of sharing everything with your child, even the stuff you don't really want to (i.e. a runny nose). Overall, I think you have a good starting point with this poem, and you just need to retool and expand on your ideas and feelings.
Keep on writing,
Richard
I am assuming this poem is about your young son/daughter. Personally, I have always found it incredibly difficult to write about my son without it sounding completely sappy, so I applaud your effort here. I find that the bond between a parent and child is just so strong that it's hard to express it without being consumed by it.
I think in your poem you have a workable image (loving hands). However, I think you get bogged down by your feelings as a parent, and this leaves the poem feeling a bit underwhelming. Your poem is titled, “Loving Hands,” but your word choice isn't consistent with the title. For example, you refer to the hands as “clingy.” I understand what you mean there as a parent myself, yet clingy isn't a great word to use when writing about the emotion of love.
Lastly, I thoroughly liked the image of a runny nose as an expression for parental love. I even think it would be worthwhile trying to construct an entire poem just around the idea of sharing everything with your child, even the stuff you don't really want to (i.e. a runny nose). Overall, I think you have a good starting point with this poem, and you just need to retool and expand on your ideas and feelings.
Keep on writing,
Richard