03-17-2017, 07:59 AM
(03-17-2017, 03:12 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: Greatly appreciate it Todd, not nearly as savage as my own, i think i meed a major overhaul, for s2 I considered a felt smelt take to change up the senses more but I still may be able to in changing that line. Will take your suggestion for s3 and as far as the Savage cut I need to just rework it for length, I thought the offbeat pattern made the first half more interesting
(03-17-2017, 03:08 AM)nibbed Wrote: Hi, CRNDLSM
Thanks for the read nibbed
I really liked the first three stanzas and I get
where you were going with them wanting
to meet up with the maybes (the title seems
to reflect). I would rework and simplify it a bit.
I definitely can see this worked clearer. What worked clearer?
I somehow saw a taste of beauty and then a spilling
of hope and help? Have a blessed day!
Hi, CRNDLSM,
I get a little jumbled...but it's likely more me
and my moments of poor comprehension
than any error or confusion from the writer:
Maybe now, we can all
go out and get along
with someone else we don't know - Lines 3 & 4
without the conflict of interest
in being ourselves. It won't hurt.
Maybe an apple a day - surprised at this
will keep you healthy for a while.
Maybe a walk in the morning
would be a good start,
but for someone to tell you they love you...
well, that will give you that smile
that you wear so beautiful.
Something as strong as that can easily
rip you apart. But, put back together, - rip you apart?
will be stronger than ever before
in your heart.
best wishes
there's always a better reason to love