03-10-2017, 04:58 AM
Hi, River Notch
GROWING
Before a boy can be a beard,
he first must be a goat --
before your wisdom can be heard,
a demon -- to be stoned.
The meter is strong, I know.
I can visualize it
as a metaphoric fortune cookie
that crumbles as I fumble,
releasing its wise strip of paper.
I'm not sure if the title
is troubling and frightening,
or if I am just going the wrong way.
Thank you for this opportunity
to critique River Notch
GROWING
Before a boy can be a beard,
he first must be a goat --
before your wisdom can be heard,
a demon -- to be stoned.
The meter is strong, I know.
I can visualize it
as a metaphoric fortune cookie
that crumbles as I fumble,
releasing its wise strip of paper.
I'm not sure if the title
is troubling and frightening,
or if I am just going the wrong way.
Thank you for this opportunity
to critique River Notch
there's always a better reason to love