03-10-2017, 03:35 AM
Fine poem; the [slant/internal] rhymes are quite good. Flower, hour, son, them, wrong, from, etc. I like the "sickle come to claim us" though grabbing was also 'accurate' and I like the chair's stuffing on the floor. The last line of stanza three is a mouthful, and made me reread the third stanza in order to grasp the sentence's syntax (what is "like" my life?). Anyways, "like my life" is basically just a restatement of "in our hearts and tears" but it is fine because at least it gets to the point. Maybe a better way to phrase it would be 'floor;\ In my life--God is also there\ \ If God is at all.' or 'If there is a God at all.' Which would be a melodramatic if suitable ending.