The Humbler (Happy Ballet Times Daze)

[ellajam]

Hey, Dale, I enjoyed this when it was in Fun and again this time around. I don't know if I can be of any help but I'll give it a go.

The Humbler (Happy Ballet Times Daze)

“What fools these Human’s be”
when in love, yes I see,
but, the larger truth,
what greater fools when not,
spirits twisted and souls rot! Love lines 3-5, large is an odd choice for truth, and you use greater, maybe something else, but I'm nitpicking, larger hasn't bothered me before.
How pompous, vain,
and condescending, So many commas in Lines 6-10 is confusing, maybe semicolon here?
only through Love’s sufferance, No comma here or am I misreading?
might this wound be mending,
yet hide, when see healing descending,  no comma after hide?
until by Valentine’s pox laid low, again, no comma?
with a shot from Eros’ bow!
Oh, oh, OH! Love the ohs.
It is madness, is it not?
It’s been so long that I’d forgot, I had forgotten, I forgot, I think.
I hope it fades away…
Yet, only does the grave,
fools,
from the foolish save! Love these 3 lines.
Still...not all is sadness and sorrow,
for I shall be a grave fool on the morrow,
if I might a line from Mercutio borrow,
till then, anon,
for I am gone and done,
my bugled sword in baldric hung! Grinning last line.

erthona
 
 
©2011

Well, I hope a bit of that might be of use.