The Father

[Lizzie]

If the son is in heaven with the father, then how is he a prodigal? If you took S2,  appended the last 3 lines of S1 at the end, and discarded the rest, then you might have some sort of poem on your hands. - The son is not in heaven with the father. They are both on Earth. I see how it could be confusing since I use two forms of the word "Son" and two forms with the word "Father". In some instances the father is God, and in some it is the child. Same with the son being used as Jesus. The son not conforming to the "Father" (uppercase F), is why the father (lowercase f) has no son. Therefore the reference to the prodigal son.

My color. For me, this is the root of the readability issue. I think you have good ideas, and obviously a good handle on the English language if you can bandy "profligate" about. My advice is to go for clarity first and then work on adding in poetic devices once you've established that your concepts are coming across.

Welcome to the Pen! ><