just the one comment which i apologize for as i know it's in mild.
there are twice as many words as you need. there are a lot of phrases that detract from any power the poem should have.
that morning when I got you, then, really sticks out and there are lots more that could be trimmed away.
as suggestion, if you put the original up as well as the end version, throw the feedback i as well, specially the feedback that states you need to work the shit out of this piece.
personally i don't see it as worthy of publishing any time soon. looking to see you workshop the piece. you've had a lot of constructive feedback so you have lots to think about.
there are twice as many words as you need. there are a lot of phrases that detract from any power the poem should have.
that morning when I got you, then, really sticks out and there are lots more that could be trimmed away.
as suggestion, if you put the original up as well as the end version, throw the feedback i as well, specially the feedback that states you need to work the shit out of this piece.
personally i don't see it as worthy of publishing any time soon. looking to see you workshop the piece. you've had a lot of constructive feedback so you have lots to think about.