02-17-2017, 03:44 PM
I hate to tell you this, but I may go back to my original ending with one or two changes:
Poor fly, doomed by everything.
By me, by time, by choices.
By life which always dies.
All of us flies.
The poem just feels too bare at the end with a one-line finish. I have an explicit style, and it seems that I should carry that through to the end to be consistent.
I think that scrapping "Oh, I am also a fly!" for "All of us flies" will address some of the objections I've been hearing.
Poor fly, doomed by everything.
By me, by time, by choices.
By life which always dies.
All of us flies.
The poem just feels too bare at the end with a one-line finish. I have an explicit style, and it seems that I should carry that through to the end to be consistent.
I think that scrapping "Oh, I am also a fly!" for "All of us flies" will address some of the objections I've been hearing.