02-15-2017, 02:38 AM
Loved this rythmical read!
(02-13-2017, 08:51 AM)tectak Wrote: No matter that a shrill, chill blastAll in all this is really great in my opinion!
blew dark and hidden through bald crowns,
for through the pricking sleet and snow
a jigging, jolly rhythm flowed.
A distant dance of flickering flame,
glimpsed through steamed up window panes;
comfort in the wintering town, possibly too many commas here; i felt it could use a colon as if warm ale, friends were a result of the town.
warm ale, warm friends, at last.
No matter that the house is full
so fiddler's elbows stab and prod.
While feet stamp out the bodran beat,
old men squeeze tight to clear a seat.
Then down on to the throbbing throne
the frozen flop and with a groan
of heart-felt thanks, a smile, a nod,
and wide-spread wave, they wait their pull.
No matter that the air is baking,
breathed ten times before your taking; loved how you word this explanation; it adds interest
No matter that the raised
makes hearing jar and speaking strain;
No matter that the fiddles fly
and nudge and spill ale struggling by;
No matter that it all goes round
and round and round and round and round.
Here we are in steaming heat on second thought I also think steaming doesnt fit here, since earlier you used baking. Maybe something to continue the same effect, drying, roasting, parching...
singing loudly, stamping feet,
doleful humming through the sad,
cheering all things good and bad.
No matter, we are here and living,
full of music, song, and giving.
The fiddlers play, some tears are shed, It seems a period after shed would give more impact on closing.
no matter, we will smile in bed.
tectal
Fiddler's night. The Duke, in Ainthorpe, Feb. 2017

