First Date (revised)

[Caleb Murdock]

[I have posted a revised version on page 2.]


They saw a show, they kissed; the chance
of coupling was definitely there —
but first, a drink and then a smoke
on her terrace fifteen stories in the air.
She leaned against the rail, her back
to the void, and he balked, "Is that safe?"
"Yes, I've been doing this for years!"
And she bounced a little on the rim
to show him it was strong, and it broke,
and in an instant she was gone.
The police believed him, but still —
I wouldn't want to be that bloke.

My main question about this poem is whether the end is clever, or just comes across as an inappropriate punchline, thereby devaluing the poem.  In the forum where I'm posting now, they don't have much of a sense of humor.  The poem is based on an actual event.