02-08-2017, 04:35 AM
Seems like the girl's insides are a mystery, and her diagnoses don't make much sense either. Therefore, you have a very confusing poem.
You could improve this piece by focusing on the speaker's experience -- what is it like for the speaker to be in her presence, to see the chaos unfold, to not know what's happening? Afraid? Sad? Repulsed? Confused? Aroused? Just trying to get you thinking.
You could improve this piece by focusing on the speaker's experience -- what is it like for the speaker to be in her presence, to see the chaos unfold, to not know what's happening? Afraid? Sad? Repulsed? Confused? Aroused? Just trying to get you thinking.