The Passionate Man

[Lizzie]

The Passionate Man*
 
How cruel it is to render
a passionate man impotent,
so that all he does is sit in his room
staring with dulled eyes.
 
Having lived life like a god,
only to have the god desert him;
the energy that once coursed through his body
is now the heaviness of lead instead. -- you could choose a more evocative word than 'is.'
He would weep in self-pity
except he knows the truth of it.
Pity the once passionate man,
for he was blessed and now has fallen.
Hell in life is no different from hell in death,
except in life you are still expected to act…fine.
 
Erthona
 
©2015
 
 
Note bene:
 
*I use man in the generic sense so that it represents both genders. It has been my experience that woman can be just as passionate and just as foolish as men.

Hi Dale. I don't know if you're still working on this one, but I wanted to praise it and offer a couple thoughts. Minor though they may be.

The last two lines are hard hitting -- gives me that feeling that I've witnessed truth, like when a preacher's words resonate.

I don't like 'the' before god, but I do see that you're trying to allow for the idea that all gods are personal. Yet, aren't even personal gods felt to be the ultimate god, to the individual? Probably neither here nor there.

I don't think it's a bad thing for it to be specifically addressing men -- I think you should be able to write for whoever you want. And 'impotent' probably wouldn't work so well for women anyway.

Anyway, well done.