Lovers’ Cliché

[fanakz]

Lovers’ Cliché
REVISED 9/14/16
Written 4/20/16
 
You found me in the rain,
soaking wet like some cliché. I really love this line. 
 
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away. I like that you used alliteration, but the term "fluttery" doesn't sit well with me. If you want to be cliche (plausible and relevant because of first lines) in describing the "fluttery" maybe reference butterflies instead? Example: "Once enraptured with your love, with time even butterflies drift away"
 
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend? I like "free" friend, it presents a good impact. I don't like fancy at all, though.
 
Is your heart made of stone? Cliche. Maybe that is what you are going for though. 
 
My heart rests in the place we met.
 
I could love you, 
but I will leave you alone Omit these lines. Takes away from the poem.
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that which fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim. I like this. Waters in collaboration with the rain scene. 
 
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin. Good lines too. Maybe try making it seem as though the sunlight is appearing in the rain scene. As in, "That sunlight filters through the clouds, shines warm against your damp skin." Just a suggestion. It doesn't need to be changed at all. 
 
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will called me friend. Maybe? I feel it would add more to the poem.