Red, White, and You

[RiverNotch]

Fascism? This again? Flags are in, citizen, 
yours are right there between Finley and Finnigan, Not sure who Finley and Finnigan (Finnegan?) are referring to, if at all, but I keep thinking "Finnegans Wake" for "Finnigan", which is kinda stupid (in my part). Also I would punctuate this differently: "Flags are in, citizen -- yours are right there between Finley's and Finnegans. Fold them up faster, for women and children, men; help us ensure that the US will win again!"
fold them up, faster, for children and women, men, "for children and women, men" is an awkward, awkward construction that broadcasts 'I ran out of ideas, fitting the thought to the meter!' There's got to be a better way.
help us ensure that the U.S. will win again. Though this obviously does refer to the US, it robs the piece of a certain universality by referring specifically to the US. It's not like this old wind ain't blowing around everywhere else.

You do want our country to prosper, correct?
You want to keep all of your freedoms intact?
You like having money and like to expect that "that", besides weakening the ending, breaks the rhythm of this stanza, which dispenses with the feminine endings. You don't need it.
you're worth more than others whose thoughts you reject?

Then listen up, now, I'll not say it once more, "now" interrupts. Something more better, perhaps more condescending-ish -- "son"?
you've got to speak faster to even the score,
don't think before arguments, march out your door,
go level the field 'tween our rich and their poor. "'tween" also screams 'prosody!' A more wholesale restatement is needed.

The above stanza is sorta problematic for me. I don't entirely get what you're talking about here -- "to even the score" with whom, exactly? "don't think before arguments" is not something this administration would ever say, I think, since it betrays their lie -- should be more "think like us in your arguments". "our rich", "their poor": I don't really see a clear delineation between the elites and not here, which I think is what this line is endorsing? But yeah, the stanza as bridge between the list of the nation's problems and the frame story is a little awkward, perhaps because it's not as to the point. I'd rather the imperatives be limited to just the first lines, then the next two lines jump immediately to all the nation's problems -- perhaps a clearer couple on that whole "elites" thing, or maybe about how the previous administrations failed miserably. Really, the focus of this piece I think is how reality is twisted by the administration, so the imperatives, plus the rhetorical questions peppering the piece, need to be compressed.

The terror is brown and the job thiefs are yellow, I believe folks from Syria, Iraq, Iran, and Yemen are more white than brown -- and Sudanese and Somalians, more black. Also, fuck the travel ban.
your wives can hang out but they'd better stay mellow, 
the black ones do drugs so we pen them in ghettos, I thought it was more "the black ones, we make them do drugs in the ghettos" -- but of course, the more racist way it's stated here is intentional.
don't venture there, you're all respectable fellows. Yeah, the meter does break here, and this whole piece reads like you're preaching to the choir -- not a bad thing, mind, but breaks in rhythm I find work better when things get more serious. This needs a more wholesale change -- perhaps divide "The terror is brown" into what I think are its constituent parts, Mexicans and Muslims.

Be careful with news because as you're aware 
so much of it's lies that are crafted to scare, Here's something I disagree with -- I find that the administration, and fascists in general, don't deplore the news because it's "crafted to scare". Perhaps when it talks about problems that the fascists don't want you to focus on, but even then they'd just plain not talk about it just so you wouldn't get suspicious -- instead, it's more the news is out to get them, against the nation's progress, or just plain wrong, so that ultimately, "crafted to scare" reads like it was constructed just for the rhyme.
that's why we're preparing our our state-sponsored air Extra "our".
at which you can smile, nod, cheer, stomp or stare. Missing a syllable in the middle -- but generally, this is a mouthful that could probably work structured differently, perhaps with a focus on showing another insight. I have a feeling that when that Putinesque age of a media dominated by catastrophist (but never the wrong sort of catastrophes, mind) lies overtakes America, the news won't be meant to make one smile, nod, cheer, etc. -- only cower in fear.

Your unions are dated, they squabble unneeded,   
our corporate shepards will lead you to eden Shepard? Only the first game was good, you know. (or did you mean Shepherd? and Eden should be capitalized)
and baptize with gold all your trickle down defects, 
diseases we wish weren't left so untreated.

So, Facism, citizen? That claim's a fad, Facism? Is this deliberate?
the fact that you think that we're headed there's sad, Would also punctuate this differently. "That claim's a fad. The fact that you think that we're headed there's sad. Forget that you thought it, its loss ironclad: get back to your place over there folding flags."
forget that you thought it, its loss ironclad, What exactly is "its loss ironclad" supposed to mean, other than to sustain the rhyme?
get back to your place over there folding flags.

So yes, preaching to the choir. It seems to me that most people in this site are sane, so I suppose it's the right choir you've preached to -- albeit folks seem to think this is meant to be a serious polemic? Is it? If so, then you failed, and failed miserably, but the sprightly rhythm and the conversational tone broadcast otherwise, and, in such a case, I think, bar the rough spots I've noted, you've succeeded.