Red, White, and You

[mrweiner]

Hi,

the slant rhymes don't really work, for me. For example, "that" is a boring word to rhyme with and i also don't think it's close enough to correct or intact, and i don't think those words are that effective as end rhyme either. So the end result looks like not much thought was put into the word choice.... Sort of like spouting off at the hip, e.g., pompous. Glad you brought that up as an example. I was actually curious how it might come across. At first I wanted to use expect as the end-rhyme, but felt like the pacing needed a soft syllable to correctly pass into the next line. Interesting to think of those words as weak rhymes. I've never directly considered the idea of strong vs weak rhymes.

It's not the subject i'm referring too when i said "i've read it before"  but the word choice and style. This is standard stereotypical teenaged angst-poetry. I feel if i were to go on myspace circa 2003 i'd find poems that were almost a carbon copy to this one.
Man, I take your point, but you're mighty salty about it. I get it, I'm not the weird lovechild of Allen Ginsberg and Shel Silverstein that I wish I were.

I think if you have the title as is you can drop naming the united states in the poem. It's redundant.
Good point.

Facism and racism have become just another word to describe something someone doesn't like.
While that is true, they are also words with actual meanings. I agree that throwing words around willy nilly like what's happened to "literally" defeats the usefulness of those words, but sometimes their use is appropriate. I understand that using them in such drivel as "stereotypical teenaged angst-poetry" could be argued to diminish their meaning, although I really hadn't considered this to fall into such a category prior to sharing.