01-31-2017, 12:01 PM
Hi,
the slant rhymes don't really work, for me. For example, "that" is a boring word to rhyme with and i also don't think it's close enough to correct or intact, and i don't think those words are that effective as end rhyme either. So the end result looks like not much thought was put into the word choice.... Sort of like spouting off at the hip, e.g., pompous.
It's not the subject i'm referring too when i said "i've read it before" but the word choice and style. This is standard stereotypical teenaged angst-poetry. I feel if i were to go on myspace circa 2003 i'd find poems that were almost a carbon copy to this one.
I think if you have the title as is you can drop naming the united states in the poem. It's redundant.
Facism and racism have become just another word to describe something someone doesn't like.
the slant rhymes don't really work, for me. For example, "that" is a boring word to rhyme with and i also don't think it's close enough to correct or intact, and i don't think those words are that effective as end rhyme either. So the end result looks like not much thought was put into the word choice.... Sort of like spouting off at the hip, e.g., pompous.
It's not the subject i'm referring too when i said "i've read it before" but the word choice and style. This is standard stereotypical teenaged angst-poetry. I feel if i were to go on myspace circa 2003 i'd find poems that were almost a carbon copy to this one.
I think if you have the title as is you can drop naming the united states in the poem. It's redundant.
Facism and racism have become just another word to describe something someone doesn't like.