january

[mrweiner]

snow covers my walk to school

like a nun covers cleavage. winter      With what intention does a nun cover cleavage? Does snow really have the same intent?

is nothing new, she’s been stuck   Not sure what 'she' is referencing at this point -- winter, the nun, a girl, mariah carey?

in my head for months,

(fuck mariah carey)

the world is a numb white,   I like that you bring in numbness, but maybe use something other than white. We know the world is cold and white because you already said it was covered in snow.

and so are my hands -

just as we forget what green

looks like, the feeling in our

skin falls frozen off the bone.   I really like how you evoke the feeling of winter being so long that you've forgotten the color green. Does skin really fall from bone? Does something freezing cause it to fall?

december is a cold-hearted

bitch, dolled up in ornaments,

wrapping paper, adolescent

laughter, empty wallets.  Nice description. Maybe I should stop hanging out with December.

jesus celebrates his

two-thousandth odd

birthday, and it’s clear

that under all of december’s

ugly-girl make up is just   I feel like you could maybe highlight the disparity between Jesus' birthday and the modern take on December a bit more, but the idea here is great.

pine needles. fucking everywhere.

Overall I dig it. You should definitely workshop it a bit! It's got a good voice and effectively communicates your thoughts on the season.