01-30-2017, 02:37 AM
A good line can be bad in context, and a bad line can be good in context.
IMO: the first four lines of the first stanza are good sensory images. The way physical and mental sicknesses are blurred is relatable, as is the idea that worrying can feel like "coming down with something." The repetition of miscellaneous diseases in lines 5-7 is self-indulgent and accomplishes nothing.
The first sentence of the second stanza is self-aware, in the sense that it is clearly not the voice of a ten-year-old. I prefer this to 'playing the persona straight.' I also think that Collins sacrifices insight for wit here, as these four lines are basically just a shallow mathematical joke. The last four lines of this stanza are better, in the sense that "drink a glass of milk a certain way" is a funny idea that reflects a tendency to follow arbitrary rules. At worst, these last four lines are a caricature of childhood fantasies, but IMO they have enough grounding in image (particularly the milk line) to at least be decent. I don't think that the speaker is trying to convince you that he is actually a ten-year-old.
The third stanza is straight-up good, even if the light imagery verges on cliché. The image of sitting at the window watching light is simple and emotionally sound. It is interesting that light is solemn, and that speed is dark. I like that so many things seem to lean in this stanza: the bicycle on the garage, the speaker against the window, the light against the tree house.
The last two stanzas are ok. I like the "walk through the universe in my sneakers" line, and I like that the speaker continues to give numbers almost superstitious significance. All in all though, this poem doesn't express anything too novel or complex. It is clean but not great. I think that a poem has to risk disclarity in order to be worthwhile, and by that metric this poem is uninteresting. But the 3rd stanza is good enough to make this poem memorable.
3/5
IMO: the first four lines of the first stanza are good sensory images. The way physical and mental sicknesses are blurred is relatable, as is the idea that worrying can feel like "coming down with something." The repetition of miscellaneous diseases in lines 5-7 is self-indulgent and accomplishes nothing.
The first sentence of the second stanza is self-aware, in the sense that it is clearly not the voice of a ten-year-old. I prefer this to 'playing the persona straight.' I also think that Collins sacrifices insight for wit here, as these four lines are basically just a shallow mathematical joke. The last four lines of this stanza are better, in the sense that "drink a glass of milk a certain way" is a funny idea that reflects a tendency to follow arbitrary rules. At worst, these last four lines are a caricature of childhood fantasies, but IMO they have enough grounding in image (particularly the milk line) to at least be decent. I don't think that the speaker is trying to convince you that he is actually a ten-year-old.
The third stanza is straight-up good, even if the light imagery verges on cliché. The image of sitting at the window watching light is simple and emotionally sound. It is interesting that light is solemn, and that speed is dark. I like that so many things seem to lean in this stanza: the bicycle on the garage, the speaker against the window, the light against the tree house.
The last two stanzas are ok. I like the "walk through the universe in my sneakers" line, and I like that the speaker continues to give numbers almost superstitious significance. All in all though, this poem doesn't express anything too novel or complex. It is clean but not great. I think that a poem has to risk disclarity in order to be worthwhile, and by that metric this poem is uninteresting. But the 3rd stanza is good enough to make this poem memorable.
3/5