01-28-2017, 04:17 AM
I can't answer your questions, but I can talk about the poem. 
On the whole I like it. There's little I would mess with in the first two strophes, they are stong and novel, for the most part. S3, IMO, could be edited, L1/L2 don't do much for me but I like the rest.
"all the dark blue speed drained out of it":
I love this line, dark blue being drained makes me think of blood while it's still in its veins where it belongs, speed being drained makes me think of losing the joy of the wind blowing in my hair.
Just because an arrangement of words doesn't usually work it doesn't mean it never works. So, if all the poets of the world stopped learning and thinking after Poetry101 that would suck, but it's worthwhile to learn what usually doesn't work so that you look carefully at it when you use it. Each poem is its own and the choices made should work best for that individual poem. In this case I wouldn't cut.
S4 sums up, I think it and S5 could be combined and edited into something better, or maybe S5 could just be cut, as the poet doesn't give a shit what I think I'll stop there.
On the whole I like it. There's little I would mess with in the first two strophes, they are stong and novel, for the most part. S3, IMO, could be edited, L1/L2 don't do much for me but I like the rest.
"all the dark blue speed drained out of it":
I love this line, dark blue being drained makes me think of blood while it's still in its veins where it belongs, speed being drained makes me think of losing the joy of the wind blowing in my hair.
Just because an arrangement of words doesn't usually work it doesn't mean it never works. So, if all the poets of the world stopped learning and thinking after Poetry101 that would suck, but it's worthwhile to learn what usually doesn't work so that you look carefully at it when you use it. Each poem is its own and the choices made should work best for that individual poem. In this case I wouldn't cut.
S4 sums up, I think it and S5 could be combined and edited into something better, or maybe S5 could just be cut, as the poet doesn't give a shit what I think I'll stop there.
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