01-23-2017, 02:30 PM
(01-23-2017, 12:45 AM)j56 Wrote: Chewing gum stained streets
are the city's freckles -
Our manifest idiosyncrasies.
Like the bright lights
which blemish the dark Earth.
Humanity's beacons
that counter the crawl
of dark uniformity:
In pairs, on motorways
illuminating intention and
extinguishing the humdrum.
Or maybe it's just litter and light pollution.
First stanza's one long sentence, second stanza is bathetic cop-out. The whole piece reads compressible, especially since from "humanity's beacons" on, the images blur together, without the full-bodied allure of some bold philosophical statement -- best demonstrated, I think, by the unnecessary repetition of "dark". Perhaps:
Chewing gum stained streets:
city freckles, idiosyncrasy
manifest. Bright lights
blemish the dark earth,
beacons countering the crawl
of uniformity.

