Writer's Taunt

[Erthona]

It is difficult to see this in its entirety as a single metaphor, plus there are too many cliches, the regular kind and what I would call the "pop chic" kind that makes it appear shallow. "Take my red-gloved hand" comes across as just that, a glove that is red, not red from blood. So there is this image created (along with the shoes, not just shoes, but "clean shoes") that seems to somehow be trying to make a fashion statement. I do not think this is intentional, yet I believe at the unconscious level it has that effect. If you meant to convey that the speaker's glove is blood soaked, then say so and shoes will do just fine, one does not need to be told they are clean, this is generally assumed.

What is the difference between "If I cut a gash in my chest" and  "If I cut a t-shaped gash into my flesh"

each work equally as well, that is to say, not at all, as one would still have to get past the rib cage to get to the heart. So that the the gash is "T-shaped" is rather pointless.

As this is mild one last thing. This is a problem that recurs in that you step out of your metaphor. Example:

"Would you gag on the realities that squirm there?"

There are no "realities". If one is going to start in a primary metaphor: i.e., writing is the emotional equivalent of literally tearing one's body apart, one must stay there, not introduce elements that do not apply.

Oftentimes we learn by reading, in fact most times, but often we will not have a clear idea of exactly what we are doing at the technical level (mild of course is not the place for an exegesis on metaphor, although there are all kinds of helpful spots for such things).  Maybe that makes sense and helps some.

Best,

dale