01-07-2017, 06:17 AM
(01-03-2017, 10:12 AM)Coquette16 Wrote: One SolutionÂI won't pick it apart too much, but as a poem is is extremely weak altogether. There is no scene, no motion, no action. Think about what this piece is trying to say, then think of an example that would make your point clear without writing a full essay on it.
Consider the illusion
that we could make a difference
by offering one solution.
there would be no testing or trial runs, (no caps on this sentence?)
we would just do our best—
we would stick to our guns.
The world would flow nicely,
like a well-oiled machine.
There would be no sounds of dissension,
we would all pay attention.
Simply (excessive line breaks here and below. Their effect is meager)
because
we offered the world
one solution.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona