Lovers’ Cliché

[MadelineAnne]

Hi 89layers. I like your poem, and I resonate to the feelings I see expressed. You could use a lot more specific detail in places to make the scenes come to life. Lots of things are hinted at, and never explored. It feels like the beginnings of a poem, like the initial brainstorm.

Lovers’ Cliché
REVISED 9/14/16
Written 4/20/16
 
You found me in the rain,
soaking wet like some cliché.  - I like this intro. I like the subtext of wetness/feminine arousal and it expresses the thought we all get at some point in a relationship of: I am the biggest cliche right now!
 
Once enraptured with your love,
now the fluttery feelings have gone away. - 'gone away' is not very strong phasing.
 
What the hell happened,
my fancy free friend? - I don't think this works because the person was clearly more than a friend
 
Is your heart made of stone? - heart of stone is pretty cliche
 
My heart rests in the place we met. - I'd give some specifics here to paint the scene where the initial meeting took place
 
I could love you,
but I will leave you alone
 
For you,
 
I hope the waters that fill your cup
are sweet and to its brim.
 
That sunlight finds you,
and glows warm against your skin.
 
I hope that you remember when
we stood soaking in the rain,
and you will call me friend.
 

I hope you'll come back and give this one some more substance and detail. Thanks for sharing.