Lenses

[Coquette16]

(After reading Edit 1)

I was very drawn in to this poem. You make strong statements with very practical images...this is a delicate balance that you have achieved through this poem. 

Knowing that you are in the process of working on the structure, the development of the poem is great, but it seems to lack closure. Another stanza at the end would bring a resolve just as strong and practical as the rest of the poem.

Nice job and I'm glad you posted again!
-Coquette

Hi, 

         It's been a very long time since I have posted a poem, and would like to hear some honest feedback. I know the structure of my poem is not right (e.g. Stanzas, capitalization, proper sentences, etc.) 
 
Lenses [Edit 1]

In all of time, both past and now, a billion beings have roamed.
But whether it is night or day, I have always walked alone.

I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens that is dim and grey. 
It matters not if it is dark or light; my heart is left forlorn.

There are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
no earthly plight can bring the shade of night;
They will never walk alone.

There are those with a lens so sheer,
And they see through eyes so wise and clear;
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.

Lenses [Original]

In all of time both past and now a billion beings have roamed,
And whether it is night or day I have always walked alone.

For I was made from a darker clay,
And spy through a lens so dim and gray,
And it matters not if it is dark or light my heart is left forlorn.

For there are those with a lens so bright,
And despite of it being dark or light,
And no earthly plight brings the shade of night,
They will never walk alone.

Then there are those with a lens so sheer,
And see through eyes so wise and clear,
They always know when it is right to sometimes walk alone.