12-31-2016, 11:37 AM
Nah, I meant structure it in such a way so the disparate parts have a synergistic effect on each other. Currently the different parts act more as non-sequitur (which drains power from the poem), instead of acting synergistically (which energies the poem). Another way to state it is that structurally it seems ad hoc. I could be more specific but I don't want to start rewriting your poem.
What does the first stanza have to do with " things that bind people together and how time passed can be measured by childhood enthusiasms". Same with Brit-kneed Speared. Where is the connection? That may be significant to the writer, but the writer has to make it significant to the reader, that is not happening here.
Hope that clarifies,
dale
What does the first stanza have to do with " things that bind people together and how time passed can be measured by childhood enthusiasms". Same with Brit-kneed Speared. Where is the connection? That may be significant to the writer, but the writer has to make it significant to the reader, that is not happening here.
Hope that clarifies,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.