I Wonder

[Beardowulf]

Hi Missy,

As previously noted, there isn't a strong narrative with your piece, but the imagery and emotions invoked are the main components. I feel that the title works, expressing the wonderment of the speaker - the uncertainty in "yearning the black" or dark times/moments (At least this is my initial reading of your piece). I think your repetition of "black" works to trickle out the idea of the final stanza, however maybe using other words that connote to black or darkness will have a greater impact. The structure is also nice, compromising of mainly short lines except for the middle and last stanza. I'll do my best to leave some comments within your piece as well.

This is my first time accepting critique on my poems so I'm going to put this in the novice section...lol...I hope it's okay...
thank you



I Wonder

we
siege the forest. -- I like this as an opening line. Sets the stage for the rest of the poem,  we take control as the sun rises (dawn).

as dawn approaches
waterfalls
and I
sit alone -- This  is slightly confusing for me, "waterfalls and I sit alone inside the empty stall" I don't think the image here is effective - perhaps work the metaphor more.
inside
the empty
stall–

my fingers -- This stanza is perfect, encapsulate the notion of "wonder" and the similes work. 
trail
like lead
and quake
like thunder
and us,
I wonder.

inhaling the black
that slips from our mouths -- Bringing in the darkness of others?
and we suck it back.

the nightingale --powerful image, the nightingale is a powerful symbol used by many writers.
that sleeps --Maybe include a bit about how nightingales sing loud to overcome background noise to parallel its sleeping
as we
split the
upper seams
of our shirts
as breathing hurts
and us,
still I wonder–

why I'm yearning the black --I really like this final stanza, it provides closure and brings home your intent of "wonderment"
that slips from our mouths
and we suck it back.

I hope my comments and feedback are helpful. I enjoyed reading your piece multiple times, I look forward to seeing how it develops with everyone's feedback. Good luck with your writing!

Best,

Chris (Beardowulf)