12-27-2016, 11:46 PM
Nicely done!
There might have been just a smidgen more buildup description than necessary, but it gets the reader invested in the story - a matter of taste.
Had a distinct feeling where this might be going from about the midpoint (skeptical old reprobate am I) but the blue Impala was just enough distraction to keep me wondering about the final surprise (and cynical but not dead-cynical ultimate remark).
Alternate title (but that would give it away) - "No Room in the Impala." Could spur Biblical associations, though.
There might have been just a smidgen more buildup description than necessary, but it gets the reader invested in the story - a matter of taste.
Had a distinct feeling where this might be going from about the midpoint (skeptical old reprobate am I) but the blue Impala was just enough distraction to keep me wondering about the final surprise (and cynical but not dead-cynical ultimate remark).
Alternate title (but that would give it away) - "No Room in the Impala." Could spur Biblical associations, though.
Non-practicing atheist