Exegesis

[Sparkydashforth]

Hi Lizzieiep.

Repetition and refrain tend to annoy me also, especially where there is only
a rhythmic excuse to employ such, but here (I think), the 'What?" builds up a tension
and an implausible backdrop to the over-the-top descriptive muse adopted by the
first voice. The 'What? is more an exclamation mark, a bemusement to the
clever but ultimately incomprehensible poetry being used.

The 'What' begs for clarity, but this second voice is also pretentiously
willing to go along with the overheated muse, for it is also part of this
pretentious dance.  The "What" in the end is exposed to be a willing partner
in this so called exegesis of a poem about Autumn.  It (the second voice),
reflects the understandable frustration of an 'average' reader by such opaque images.
Not until a famous line of poetry is quoted, in order to bolster an augment
for such vague and arbitrary language does the first voice capitulate, and
acquiesce to the convoluted explanations given, thereby revealing its
own academic hypocrisy.
In the end, even the first voice pleads for an answer, an exigesis that even it
does not fully comprehend.

The capitalization of 'month' in the quote only reflects my lack of typing skills.
Thanks for spotting it.

Hope this exegesis of an exegesis is, at the very least, a half-assed attempt
to explain the inexplicable. 

Cheers!

Hi Sparkler

Kind of an angsty poem, yes? I like that -- it has a pleasant amount of grump to it, especially in a "nature" poem. I like that it's not rainbows and fluffy pink bunnies (especially around Eastertime).

The continual "What?" is disruptive to the reading -- maybe just reducing the number of them would help. Also, I feel a bit condescended to as the reader -- like the angst extends to the speaker's expectations from the reader, and I'm far too egotistical to find that engaging.  I feel like I'm being insulted if I'm not getting it.

They are the octopus, I am the beak.

What?

In dark waters we are pockmarked by light.

What?

Today all is a linty green, even so,
the sun stalks with its goring horns.

What?

Here is a meadow -
the thugs of Venus
have trampled it into ruts and mires.
April sucks -- I like the break here, suggesting multiple meanings
at pores and arteries.

What?

Listen, -- I like the conversational feel here
we are the many
the invisible feelers, the mycelium,
the crusty plasma of countless spores.
We speak for the leaves and grass.
Walt Whitman
is the little finger you hardly use. -- like the Walt Whitman reference, especially in a poem that engages the natural world, but from a perspective of 'this is gross.'

What?

Frog phlem speckles wet driveways.
See the fugly skulls of April,
how their jaws mince
beneath the green undercroft?
Hear you, the paw-slapping
hoo-ha songs of the earth?
I am the beak, they are the gummy cephalopods.

Yes, yes, about this beak thing.

I am the ink and the silence.
In a fledglings gawk I am the fluff and bull,
the bloody bruit, the crimson coercion.

What the...

"April is the cruelest Month".

Oooo wait.....shit, I think I get it.

Really?

Please explain.

I think if you did:

...the bloody bruit, the crimson coercion.

What the....

"April is the cruelest Month."

I get it now.

Oh? Please explain...


Then you could do one "What" earlier in the poem to establish that you're incorporating the voice of the reader without the reader continually intruding.

I do like how the speaker seems to also not understand fully what's going on.

And put your period before the end quote on "April is the cruelest Month." Why is month capitalized?

Ok, I hope something here helps.

lizziep