12-20-2016, 03:53 PM
RiverNotch,
sorry to yet again get on your case,
but this hotchpotch of oratorical proclamations
seems like you just spewed up your intellect
for an audience you suppose could not otherwise comprehend
the brilliance of your thoughts in plain prose.
sorry to yet again get on your case,
but this hotchpotch of oratorical proclamations
seems like you just spewed up your intellect
for an audience you suppose could not otherwise comprehend
the brilliance of your thoughts in plain prose.
(11-05-2016, 02:07 AM)RiverNotch Wrote: Babal
for Kim
1. Mother Earth
-- Babylon stole her architects
from Egypt, her engineers from Greece, her doctors
and priests from Israel: that is why our tongues
are tied with Şibboleths. Truly, meat..........................what do you mean? Please do challenge
the reader, but when the reader is left shaking his or her head, you should rethink
the acceptable degree of opacity a reader is willing to swallow.
is the sweetest sin, and Plato,
Plotinus, Valentinus, lied to us. They promised us
angels for wives, mortal gods for husbands, yet all we got
were grave old men, anxious Jocastas. I don't recall Plato or the rest promising anything of the sort,
except in a neutral, cultural context. Are you blaming them for something? To add Jocastas here
seems ridicules. Your theme: meat as sin, seems pretty threadbare so far.
2. Grave Old Men
--my mother
and my father plagued me
when they raised me.
Or rather blessed,
how the knowledge of old age
confused youth's understanding.
Yet have I grown enough to shave
this hircine curse's shape
into a Spanish beard? Galleons sail
on pacific currents concretized
across Katipunan Avenue
between my Philippines and your Mexico...... O my gawd! Stop it.
3. Mexico
-- what a Şibboleth! Our old school's shattered stones
are now the home to snake-like trumpet vines, just as your English
is no longer the same as mine, and your Bible grows
overshorn, incomplete. Truly, meat..............................why are you Telling so much? Show just a little.
is the sweetest sin, so that when Lucifer
confused his craving for a love, he was cast down
to diabetic hell. The King and Queen of Corinth
were far from old when they raised me,.....diabetes and hell, and the Queen of Corinth - really?
Teiresias the sex-changing cataract no man
but child: Plato did speak truth
when he said fleshly woman is a child.
Dare I subscribe? You know how tragedy works:.............This is a tragedy of overstatement.
I am become an Indio Abelard,
grafted to cursed flesh, to shattered stone,
and you remain afloat, a child of God
a blinding angel, mute and genderless.....I feel like I am be lectured to by a
bookish drunk. Can you really support these lines with any incisive logic?
4. Hermaphrodite
-- what a devilish love! It was no storm
but flesh-dissolving bile that broke
the Tower of Babel, that spread
like pâté men across the earth. O crap, sounds like we are screwed. A 'thought' you might have
begun this rambling, muse with.
Not for me.
Third workshop edit:
Second workshop edit:
First workshop edit:

