12-19-2016, 08:54 AM
I found this to be a nice, weird poem.
I was very distracted by the second voice, especially with the repetitive what. And I didnt find it added anything even at the end.
Some other thoughts:
I am unsure the sun has horns, unless you mean rays from it. Seems odd.
I really liked the thugs of venus.
Iffy on name dropping Wiltman, as later TS Eliot.
"Fugly" cheapens the poem unforgivably... Find a better word.
I was very distracted by the second voice, especially with the repetitive what. And I didnt find it added anything even at the end.
Some other thoughts:
I am unsure the sun has horns, unless you mean rays from it. Seems odd.
I really liked the thugs of venus.
Iffy on name dropping Wiltman, as later TS Eliot.
"Fugly" cheapens the poem unforgivably... Find a better word.