Writing
#2
Glad to see you trying out a variety of topics LB Smile

Personally I really liked your second stanza. I'd end the poem with a differect line though (you don't have to change the 'idea', you can just rephrase it)

(04-26-2010, 08:51 AM)Loveblind Wrote:  The thoughts are bottled up together
Eagerly waiting to explode onto
A blank sheet of paper
Tempted to create something
Masterful out of
My Imaginations,
Ideas,
And the help of
Similes, hyperbole's, or even "don't need 'or even'" metaphors

If I could drown my thoughts in words
Drug my veins with it
Create rhymes in my head
That I will recite later on

Mentally ill
Whenever words
Are far from my mind
Because without words
I`m nothing
Without writing I’m lost
Writing is what I do This line seems out of place/bland compared to some of your previous great ones. You can ditch it imo
Thanks for the read.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Messages In This Thread
Writing - by Loveblind - 04-26-2010, 08:51 AM
RE: Writing - by addy - 04-26-2010, 09:54 AM
RE: Writing - by billy - 04-26-2010, 12:18 PM



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