Lenses

[mv5543]

Hi!

I'm very new to this so I apologise if my critisism not alltogether useful.

When I first read your poem it felt strange, rhyming words at the end of the sentences, but then the last word being so different and not rhyming at all.
But after reading it a couple of times it grew on me and it fits the poem well!
The only thing that necks it for me is the first paragraph; to me the combination of 'roamed' and 'alone' feels a bit off, but it could also be because the first sentence can be divided in three sections but the second in two.

Hope this helps!
This poem really speaks to me.

Thank you for your feedback! It's both constructive and useful. Looking back, I think I was forcing my poem to rhyme, which took part of the message away. I'm glad that you spotted that too. I'll either work on improving the rhyming scheme, or drop the rhymes altogether. The first two lines aren't tied together well enough. I'm going to try to give them more of a flow. Since you said that my poem speaks to you, it would be great if you could tell me how you interpreted it. Well, only if you have time