12-11-2016, 01:02 PM
Good luck reworking- again, I commented at length as it really resonated with me and I really enjoyed it!
I'd not worry too much about posting or not posting your raw, reworked writings straight off- as your seemingly doubtful replies suggest some insecurity, which I hope doesn't overpower you.
Whether you are posting in "novice" or in "serious workshopping" on this site, from a couple of months of reading almost all submissions since joining... I feel this piece could be in either thread with the same criticism and suggestions.
There's nothing novice about artistically presenting a message so clearly, strongly and unavoidably as you have here. Read, rewrite, don't lose meaning, smash in some more coordinated sounds- and it will be up there with anything. Meaning is hard, artistic wording can be worked on. And you've nailed the hard bit.
RBJ
I'd not worry too much about posting or not posting your raw, reworked writings straight off- as your seemingly doubtful replies suggest some insecurity, which I hope doesn't overpower you.
Whether you are posting in "novice" or in "serious workshopping" on this site, from a couple of months of reading almost all submissions since joining... I feel this piece could be in either thread with the same criticism and suggestions.
There's nothing novice about artistically presenting a message so clearly, strongly and unavoidably as you have here. Read, rewrite, don't lose meaning, smash in some more coordinated sounds- and it will be up there with anything. Meaning is hard, artistic wording can be worked on. And you've nailed the hard bit.
RBJ