12-08-2016, 11:14 AM
Thanks for all of these comments- all very useful and made my head spin a bit with where to start! I'm going to have a rewrite taking on board quite a bit of that ^^ Will then post.
There's comments from all I'm taking into account- lots from Quixilated as those criticisms were most in line with my own thinking once I looked at it properly (I tend to write things in a flurry as I like to read them, then leave them in distaste of reading my own work). Need to become a more practiced editor and perhaps learn to read in a way other than my own archaic, sarcastic and sometimes convoluted way). Watch this space!
In terms of where I insecurely feel the need to explain myself (
):
CRNDLSM yeah, the titles are always very literal. I think this is subconscious acceptance of my confused poetic wandering and heavy influence from older poets throughout almost everything I write, so I guess I desperately try to get some meaning across to modern readers straight away in a very lazy way. Need to work on doing that in the content, and coming up more creative titles, no doubt. Old habits.
And yup the narrator is a total jerk, but it's written in jest from the point of view of myself some time ago, when, sadly, I was that person 3/4 nights a week...
Q- most of what you say I am looking at when revising. Regarding the line length/syllables in places, it's just how I read the poem out loud.
Missy - I start all my lines with capitals unless I really want to emphasise something... and I punctuate like a trooper. Just something I do. Probs stems from thinking I was some sort of Lord Byron 10 years ago, I've actually written very little since I was a lot younger. Not for everyone (or anyone)... prob something I need to take on board, now highlighted several times on this site. Wrestle is super awkward gonna change it. Nice and stupid are deliberately used to emphasise the sad, banal mentality and reality of that last line and thus the poem's meaning on the whole.
Billy - yup the inversions are purely to rhyme I'm not always totally against doing that, espesh when only in a semi-serious poem- poetry isn't prose, it isn't for business, I do feel you have poetic license to piss about with these things a little, so long as you do know you are doing it (in theory, that sounds pretty snobby, if you can do it knowing you do it, you can't criticise people if they don't know!). But, in this case, after your comment, I hated it and am gonna change it
TY all will post an update.
There's comments from all I'm taking into account- lots from Quixilated as those criticisms were most in line with my own thinking once I looked at it properly (I tend to write things in a flurry as I like to read them, then leave them in distaste of reading my own work). Need to become a more practiced editor and perhaps learn to read in a way other than my own archaic, sarcastic and sometimes convoluted way). Watch this space!
In terms of where I insecurely feel the need to explain myself (
):CRNDLSM yeah, the titles are always very literal. I think this is subconscious acceptance of my confused poetic wandering and heavy influence from older poets throughout almost everything I write, so I guess I desperately try to get some meaning across to modern readers straight away in a very lazy way. Need to work on doing that in the content, and coming up more creative titles, no doubt. Old habits.
And yup the narrator is a total jerk, but it's written in jest from the point of view of myself some time ago, when, sadly, I was that person 3/4 nights a week...
Q- most of what you say I am looking at when revising. Regarding the line length/syllables in places, it's just how I read the poem out loud.
Missy - I start all my lines with capitals unless I really want to emphasise something... and I punctuate like a trooper. Just something I do. Probs stems from thinking I was some sort of Lord Byron 10 years ago, I've actually written very little since I was a lot younger. Not for everyone (or anyone
)... prob something I need to take on board, now highlighted several times on this site. Wrestle is super awkward gonna change it. Nice and stupid are deliberately used to emphasise the sad, banal mentality and reality of that last line and thus the poem's meaning on the whole.Billy - yup the inversions are purely to rhyme
I'm not always totally against doing that, espesh when only in a semi-serious poem- poetry isn't prose, it isn't for business, I do feel you have poetic license to piss about with these things a little, so long as you do know you are doing it (in theory, that sounds pretty snobby, if you can do it knowing you do it, you can't criticise people if they don't know!). But, in this case, after your comment, I hated it and am gonna change it TY all will post an update.