Aunty Had a Stroke

[Sparkydashforth]

Thanks for the thoughts kolemath,
I may well make the cut you suggest.
Good FB

Her body slipped sideways
Stayed there not sure about all the capitalization but i guess that's preference. something about typeface i once read a poet complain

She gurgled as if she were this line break works for me
Reciting a love poem why love poem? i love 'poem... through a storm drain' in any case
Through a storm drain

Never complained
Nor did she forgive you could cut here. 'nor forgave'

She plowed her mind
Ahead of her wheelchair
Gray hair electrified
With aftershocks a strange image of electrocution i'm not sure fits the image?

Burning rubber all the way good closing line

---

Thanks for taking a look Missy,

I get tired of punctuation in poetry - at least for some poetry,
but I take your point.

Aunty never complained, nor forgave because she was a bad ass.

Great feedback

Hello,

I really liked this idea and poem. Your words captured my imagination in a strange way, and I think that's what all poets strive for. So good job C: I'll go over some lines I think can be improved, if you want.



Her body slipped sideways <----- I think you should put some punctuation here, like a period after the first and second line. It makes it more
                                               final and sharp to say "stayed there." with a period. Also I think it would sound more interesting if
                                               you didn't say "her" but just said "Body slipped sideways./Stayed there. Makes it impersonal. You could do
                                               that throughout the poem too as a feature.
Stayed there

She gurgled as if she were
Reciting a love poem <-------- I thought this was a great line, a love poem through a storm drain, the image is perfect. Maybe remove the
                                           line "she were" so it reads "she gurgled as if/reciting a love poem/through a storm drain.
Through a storm drain

Never complained <------ I'm not sure what these two lines do, also I would choose a different word other than "forgive" because it doesn't
                                    make much sense to me and is also very vague.
Nor did she forgive

She plowed her mind <------- this stanza I wasn't really sure what it had to do with the stroke, it proved a great image, but maybe rework
                                          this stanza to fit in more with what you are trying to say, because I was very confused by these lines.
Ahead of her wheelchair
Gray hair electrified
With aftershocks

Burning rubber all the way

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, and I think you can improve it to make it even better C: good job