Rhyme on a Short Skirt on Dancefloor

[Quixilated]

Hello Jones, this is funny, and the twist at the end, keeps the reader on their toes.      I think with some effort you could make it a bit more seductive if you wanted to, but perhaps that would detract from the humor of the piece.  In some places it seems a lovely thought sacrificed a better phrasing for the sake of the rhyme.  Just a few suggestions below.

Rhyme on a Short Skirt on a Dancefloor
 
There are some things I’d take,   the rest of your poem consists of rather solid rhymes, the first rhyme should set the pace, but instead is a rather soft sketchy rhyme.  I'd prefer if you begin with the second set, "some things I want" etc. and then the lines about "things I'd take" after that, but with a better rhyme.  You could do take/hate, or keep/delete.  Honestly, it would also work if you simply begin with line three and go from there, because the first two sets of lines basically say the same thing.   
Yet far more things I won’t;    
There are some things I want
Yet far more things I don’t.
Oh, but cert’nly my dear, I will promise you this; I don't see any reason for writing "certainly" that way, the rest of the poem has no dialect indicators or wonky words, so this one seems random and out of place.  If you are trying to keep rhythm, just take out  "oh."
Your dainty derriere I would passionately kiss,
And your hair, soft as silk, I would gently caress
With your shoulders I’d wrestle, releasing your stress. "wrestle" seems out of place here, too rough to be seductive, try something like "then your shoulders I'd rub" or even "next my hands on your shoulders ..."
Now, your legs I would stroke from the hip to the toe
And I’d take your left hand; trace your palm gently, slow. Instead of "and I'd" try "then take ..." Also, you already have "gently" above, perhaps try "then take your palm in my hand, and trace circles, slow."  or something like that.
But your heart and your mind
I think I’d leave behind. try "I would leave behind"
Yes, you’re fairly nice looking, but stupid.  

I hope something in all that was helpful.

--Quix