12-06-2016, 07:12 AM
Thanks MindEraser.
I will try to tweak it a bit and see if I can make the rhyming consistent. Much appreciated.
I was feeling depressed from the monotony and shackles of responsibility. And I look around and see my husband and friends and family all depressed, too. And it seems like we are all in need of some liberation.
Maybe liberation comes in different ways. But I was feeling in tune with their depression, as well as mine.
I hope that it what you got from it, but really, as long as it makes my reader feel anything, I am pleased.
Thank you for your response.
I will try to tweak it a bit and see if I can make the rhyming consistent. Much appreciated.
I was feeling depressed from the monotony and shackles of responsibility. And I look around and see my husband and friends and family all depressed, too. And it seems like we are all in need of some liberation.
Maybe liberation comes in different ways. But I was feeling in tune with their depression, as well as mine.
I hope that it what you got from it, but really, as long as it makes my reader feel anything, I am pleased.
Thank you for your response.
(12-06-2016, 04:16 AM)MindEraser Wrote: I love the meaning of this poem (at least, what it means to me), I can relate to it very well. Very inspiring!
The only criticism I can give you is that the structure of your rhyming words seems off to me.
Sometimes the last word of a sentence rhymes with the last word of the next sentence, other times it skips a whole sentence before it rhymes.
But overall well done!
"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem." - David Carradine