October

[Sparkydashforth]

Hi MadalineAnne,

Thank you for this very useful review. I like how you highlight form and format,
for these are my weak aspects. I will probably end up making all the changes you suggest!

Appreciated.

Wet roots run sideways into hills and clouds.
The dead come and go (consider an em dash at the end -- you could also use a semi colon, but dashes are prettier )
we see their smoke in the dank air.

Tomorrow a child will crumble earth into stone, (em dash, semi colon, or end stop here. Comma after 'tomorrow')
the day after, a worm will unearth a chill dawn. (I don't mind the day after, but 'then' would be more succinct)

A fine day to creep like lichen through a hollow bone, (my favorite bit here, because I read "It's a fine day to be dead." )
or seep through a stem into Autumn.

Love this poem and it's subtle nod to the macabre. In the first sentence, I was bracing myself for yet another poem about trees and hills and clouds....but, this wasn't just another poem. So, thank you for that.

Since it's a bitty little poem, I'd make it all one stanza, since the thoughts all build on each other. Visually, it's a little dull. Maybe play around with some unusual line breaks and/or mix up the length of the lines.

Thanks for sharing!